January 24

Happy First Birthday to the sweetest little man I've ever known.

You've brought me, your dad, and brother so much happiness and joy every single day.

Here's to another sweet year.

"The Works"

I've made a vow to never go on vacation between January 15 and February 15. For three years now, during this time, my toddler's been sick, sick, sick. 5 day high fever in Belize at age 0 (kept us off our private island paradise: Southwater Caye), his first vomiting virus at age 1 (just after his brother's birth), and now "the works" at age 2. "The works" is a virus that includes vomiting, high fever, running nose/eyes/butt, swollen face, persistent phlegm cough, and ear infection. I guess strep, bronchitis, and pneumonia bacterial infections aren't present (at least yet), but those are all killed by antibiotics. We just have to wait this one out. Little brother, who turns 1 in only 3 days, looks just like his brother did 5 days ago (glassy eyed and hot and cold and sweaty). So, containing the toddler to only the den and his bedroom apparently didn't work 100% but maybe the baby will still fight it off with the help of my milk's antibodies. I can tell the boys really miss each other, after being separated all week. In passing, they say "hi," put on big smiles, and giggle.

Anyway, maybe next year will be better. Last year was the year of cold viruses. 7 I think we had before the baby was born. This is not surprising for a son just weaned from mom, first daycare exposure, and a pregnancy. This year is the year of flu viruses. Just a month and a half ago the toddler, then I, then the baby each had 7 days of a really, really nasty stomach bug. Lucky dad was on nightshift during most of the process and avoided it. It was so bad one night I called my father-in-law and asked him if he could watch the kids because I had barfed so much and was so dehydrated I couldn't get off of the floor without falling back down. I've never had to make an emergency call out before, but he was happy to do it. It could be because we opted not to get vaccines this year or simply because I've been using the daycare more because school's been busier for me. In any case, it's good to build immune response. Just for kicks, I think we'll get vaccines next year. Keeps the CDC in business and gives us a littler high body burden of mercury if nothing else.

But, I think this will be the norm for the next 17 years or until we move somewhere much warmer. Colds and flus are correlated with the number of hours spent indoors. And at -40F we don't really get out at all. If you take a look at the families with 2 or more kids who are close in age or even with one kid in daycare (play a lot together and with the same things), sickness is a big part of life.

355 Days

Look who's turning ONE in only ten more days:

R.I.P. Scooter

I didn't mention it, but we actually had 3 deaths in the family this fall. I think it's worth mentioning because I think the last death was my paternal grandmother's back in 2004. I often wish I had known my grandma Mabel at this time in my life as I am old enough to value more the stories she could have told me and her sewing talents. But, I am happy we have some of her embroidery work and also some bibs and quilts that she made to cherish and use for my boys. My mom says Mabel always thought I was going to have a girl. The Kvasnicka's are overwhelmingly boys. I guess she was wrong about that or else I am in for a surprise!

Anyway, this fall first my paternal aunt had a heart attack. I was able to attend the gravesite memorial at riverside cemetery because I happened to be visiting MN in August after it happened. And then my maternal aunt's husband had lethal pneumonia. And then, the part I didn't mention, my second cousin (my dad's 1st . . . actually his wife is my dad's 1st) had a stroke in a deer stand out behind my parents' house. He made his way back to the house, my dad brought him to a local hospital, they airlifted him to a larger one, where his outlook was great, but he ended up passing away 2 weeks later in the hospital after having seizures. His funeral I was also able to attend; it was beautiful and humorous Catholic ceremony as he had quite the sense of humor. His family spoke fondly of deer-hunting, an annual tradition for many of the Kvasnicka men to travel to my parents' place to camp and hunt, eat and play dice, saying he passed away doing one of the things he loved most.

I learned during my last visit to MN that my great grandfather Joseph passed away in the hospital shortly after his horse ran over him while he was working in the fields just left of the tan shed you see behind my son. A friend Gunner Hedberg brought him in to the hospital (my dad learned of this only several years ago when Gunner's wife Arlene (both gone now) came out to pick blueberries at my parents' place). And shortly after his death, my great-grandmother Mary left the rural farm to work in the twin cities, where she became the nanny for the Dayton family. The Dayton family started the Minneapolis-based Dayton's, one of the leading department stores in the U.S. for nearly a century. You probably know them now as Dayton (merged with Hudson) = Target. Anyway, I presume when my grandmother left, the homestead's (house built in 1914) ownership left the family for a short time. I also learned that my grandfather Carl's, who continued to farm there, brother Felix (prior to founding O.K. Construction) also tried to homestead the land at the south end of my parents' property (where my parents' log cabin stands), but without luck. Mom and dad, please comment, correct, and add anything I relayed incorrectly.
Anyway, you never know when is the last time you're going to see somebody on earth. My friend Lisa was telling me the other night that this past fall she went to visit her 4 healthy grandparents. During the visit, she audio recorded stories that they told to her. The next week, her grandfather had a stroke and died.

This was my toddler's last walk out to see his grandparents' horse Scooter. He didn't know any of the family members I spoke of whom passed away recently, but he knew the horse. Scooter's is the first death in "his" family, and I have a feeling it's going to be quite a while before he forgets him. But, I am sure he will forget eventually unless we keep his memories fresh. My first grandparent passed away, Carl, when I was 2 also, and I do not have any memories of him.

My maternal grandfather, Edwin, I remember passing away at my young age of 5. I remember people breaking a window because it wouldn't open (I didn't know why at the time) to get fresh air into the Duquette hall where he had a stroke. I remember wondering why is grandma not crying but my mom is and I remember my grandmother being upset that they would not let her ride in the ambulance. I remember, as a shy child, being most upset that my parents left my side and state of MN Senator Becky Lourey, a family friend, picked me up and held me instead. Prior to that day, I remember my grandfather sitting in his chair after church on Sundays, when we went over to their house for lunch. He called me "Schnicklefritz," a name I think scandinavians often give to young children of whom they are fond. I remember my grandparents had a small trampoline in the living room. I put a piece of paper onto the trampoline and drew a rainbow on it with a pencil, which left perforations because of the mesh of the trampoline surface. (I must have done this more than once to remember it so well). I asked my grandfather to punch out the rainbow, which he happily did. He played the accordion too. My grandparents were great polka dancers, and most of my memories of my grandmother who passed away about 10 years later of cancer surround her dancing and her photography and her amazing ability to find family connections and make friends wherever she went. My aunt Laurie, her youngest daughter has this same talent with people.

Enough thinking back for now. The baby has awakened. But, I think it may be time to take another trip out to the East Coast to see some family.

Be Two Boys + Harley

"Be two boys," my two year old says. He likes when daddy carries two boys down or up the stairway together and always requests it. He knows it is only a "daddy" thing because there is no way mom could carry the dense, stout, and quickly growing two year old with only one arm. He must be close to 40 pounds and the baby 20. These two boys adore each other. They make each other laugh hysterically when I'm shopping and they are bored. One will rub the other's head, hug, and offer a toy as consolation for a cry. Here is a description I wrote while watching them the other day: "Baby tosses water cup down. Toddler, "I kean dat up. I kean up dirties. STOP making mess, baby Kiko. STOP. Mommy, baby Kiko keeps making mess." Toddler cleans water, whacks the baby's tray with the washcloth, and takes a moment to "cut" his brother out the highchair with his toy chainsaw. Baby laughs hysterically."

These two boys are growing up so quickly. I feel like each day goes more quickly than the one before. My husband has been on nightshift all week, working all night long and sleeping all day, and I've barely noticed. We have breakfast with him in the mornings, usually oatmeal the toddler's current favorite. He makes me coffee, does the dishes if I wasn't able to get to them the night before, and even stops at the store if we don't have something we would like to have. Baby, I LOVE YOU. Thanks for taking such good care of the 3 of us and helping me out! You are truly the best.

Anyway, every week we've been running around doing this and that and possibly that is what helps to pass the time so well. At the pool, for my toddler's good friend Julia's birthday party, the toddler impressed me by swimming independently of me the entire time. I guess those swim lessons with dad this fall really paid off. He had floaties, but still he was not afraid to kick by himself or jump off the edge or to simply not be with mom. It was liberating for me to have a stress free pool experience (and baby was with me too). In addition, he pronounced his friend's name, "Julia," after having called her "Ju juey" so cutely for probably an entire year. He calls her brother William "Wheel wheel." He also said clearly, "That's really neat" last night. He has always been a talker, much more than we'd like, but is barely is understandable half of the time. When he adds new consonants to his vocabulary or self-corrects a word he had adopted in place of the true one for months, I am stunned.

We went to North Pole library's story time today, for the 4th time in about 4 months and my boy was the star of the show. He clapped during "B.I.N.G.O," and stomped during "If you're happy and you know it," waved his fingers and tickled his nose and everything else Ms. Tina, his teacher for 30 minutes, asked him to do. In addition, he answered all of her questions including recalling details from a book she had just read, that he'd never seen before. Details that I couldn't recall, like which snowman had wheels for ears (boy) and a strawberry for a nose (dad) and fish for eyebrows (cat) and on and on. My boy may not know his ABC's, but I realized today that he is as smart as a whip. Dad's rolling his eyes as he reads because he knew it all along. I told grandma Linda and she said she never doubted he would be brilliant. Still, his favorite part is the end of the story/song time, where we move over to the tables and do a craft. Today, he made a snowman out of cotton balls. Wednesday he made the crown above. Baby brother gets a kick out of this library time also. It's nice that they offer such a great experience for small kids for free each week.

As the baby crawls into the cupbard, playing with empty mason jars, I should brag of him too. A bit ago, I forgot to put the gate up at the bottom of the stairs and he made it half way up before I caught him. Bad mommy. He claps his hands now. He cries for "ma ma" and happily says "da da." He tells me by putting his fingers together and apart (sloppily) that he would like "more" food. He's getting his front top two teeth to match the bottom two that are finally all the way in. He needs his first haircut. He got his first pair of walking shoes the other day and can cruise in them and also take them off with ease. He is doing just great. I hope he doesn't walk for a few more months. He crawls quickly enough.

I realized last night that I hadn't taken notice of the dog (albeit letting him out to defecate and subsequent food) for probably several weeks, maybe months. So, I let him sleep in our bed, on my husband's side, with the baby last night. And I'm letting him nap on the bed with my husband now. Poor Harley. He was our "first" and he is so neglected. I will make some time to love him each day . . . at least until summer when we are busier yet and he can play outside.

My mom just informed me that the elder of their two horses died of old age this morning. He would eat treats, but not drink, and because he would not get up the weight of his organs hastened his deterioration and they had to put him down. She asked me to break the news to my son in little people terms as he is fond of his two toy horses that represent their Scooter and Buck. I wonder if he will understand what I am trying to say or if I will even attempt it.

Happy New Year!

How did WE bring in the New Year?

ALASKA STYLE! French toast dinner with friends followed by a mad race to find a parking spot on the west side of Fairbanks. There we were, sipping hot cocoa from the coffee cart, four small kids bundled up. The two boys were tossing chunks of snow and kicking them like soccer balls, falling head-first into the snowbanks and giggling. White steam billowed from their mouths.

BABOOM! The fireworks began. The independent toddler girl, age two, sitting adorable on her mommy's lap refused to watch them. The two boys were mesmerized, and the baby was so bundled he couldn't move but had eyes locked on the lights in the sky. Snowmachiners, bikers snuck in behind us to catch the colorful sight. OOOHs, AAAAhs, and screeches of children.

All this, and I didn't have my camera.

If I'm Absent

I feel I have been unfaithful to my blog. I use it to reduce stress (from busy days that go by too quickly), boredom (this is getting pretty rare with two small ambulatory kids), or to procrastinate (from housework or schoolwork). But, I've started something else that I think is much more effective: yoga.

I learned Tibetan style yoga in a college course the semester after I had a nervous breakdown (I think it was because I realized I couldn't become a physician). Not couldn't, of course, as science is very easy for me, but didn't want to after understanding the legalities and big companies docs in America have to deal with. This is the point at which I turned my attention from medicine toward the environment. And, anyway, I've done some yoga here and there since. It's served me well. I met one of my best mom friends at a "mommy and me" type yoga class. I took prenatal classes during both of my pregnancies. And in the event I ever feel real stress from a job or something, I could use the techniques I know.

Yoga is better this time though. I think it must be because I have an older, more needy body. The second kid was tough. And because I literally have no time to alone because I have 2 sweet babes with me always (which I love). Whatever the reason, this time I really, REALLY find it satisfying. As satisfying as hiking in the middle of nowhere with a pack on my back or kissing my baby's head. It is infinitely relaxing, as the meditation always was, but now I even find joy in holding difficult poses for long periods of time. My body must be telling me it's time to get the heart pumping, build some muscle, and take an hour here and there to worry only about myself.

So, if I don't write, that's why. I may not have a need for it. School's starting back up in a couple of weeks. I have a comprehensive exam for a master's degree, 2 very needy little kids, a house to keep up, a husband with a crazy schedule, and 2 very hard courses to finish. I am EXCITED.

When I am finished with school this spring, I plan to paint, photograph, and learn the violin . . . and do yoga . . . or perhaps I will have graduated to another body challenge by then. We'll see how my muscles are doing.

Going Clean

and Going Green or preventing the otherwise inevitable through proper nutrition and environmental awareness, I guess. Over the past probably 3 years I've read a number of books and watched a number of documentaries on the health of humans as a result of environmental contaminants and poor diet. These are my thoughts along with some facts:

The number 1 killer in America is heart disease. Most people die before they even know they have it. The second cause of death is cancer. 2/3 people in America will now get cancer, which has raised from 1/3 in the 1990's. They then take more cancer causing drugs, chemo/radiation, which prolong life a few years but that kill them anyway. Why? We eat too much crap. What is crap? Crap is simply the wrong stuff. Human digestive systems aren't meant to eat as much meat, processed carbohydrates, or dairy as we do . . . not to mention sweets. We are constructed to be primarily vegetarians. So, for those who already eat a lot of vegetables, why are they still getting sick? Unless the vegetables and fruits and nuts you eat are grown by you organically or are purchased at the grocery with 5 digits beginning with the number 9, they are full of harmful chemicals that are difficult for the body to process not to mention damaging to normal necessary-to-stay-healthy cellular processes.

It's not just the food we have to worry about. Having little kids around, I first became interested in understanding the chemicals that are in my house that are known to be harmful to youngsters, found in breastmilk, etc. There is a good overview of this in "The Slow Death by Rubber Duck" by Smith and Lourie. The flame retardants in cushioned furniture and mattresses. We had already purchased all new, but luckily our beds are clean of them but our furniture is not. I don't let the kids suck on the furniture and I vacuum with a Dyson (known to contain chemicals instead of a broom or most vaccums that blow them around) regularly in the furnished areas. Carpet, and especially the padding under it, is a sewer of chemicals that I won't even start to list. Thankfully, we don't have any permanent carpets and the rugs I have purchased I have read the labels to be sure they are pure wool or olefin, etc. Appliances such as TV's and computers also are sources for a bunch of contaminants: brominated flame retardants, florinated too. Luckily, we don't spend a lot of time in the den and I know that there are guides that I can view when I go to purchase a new appliance from companies who are conscience about these issues and have used alternative chemicals. It's hard to stay away from dust from drywall, paint, varnish, everything that accumulates daily. The best thing to do is keep it cleaned up so the kids don't eat it and so you don't inhale it (it's always in the air) ingest it (like if you don't wash your hands before you eat) or simply absorb it. Yes, these things are absorbed right through the skin! Shocker? It shouldn't be. Btw, what's in your lotion?

What else? Toys: stick with unpainted, unvarnished wood and metal. The kids tend to like them better anyway and they last forever. There are also flame retardants in your 9 month and up children's pajamas . . . only if they are polyester, which almost all are these days; read the tag! Pthalates (labeled parfum or fragrance) in shampoo, deoderant, lotion, toothpaste . . . and that's just the least of it in those products; check out the labels--yikes. None of these items you have to buy very often so in my opinion it's best to pay double and absorb the extra $50 a year and buy them from the "Health Foods" section of the grocery or store. Hmm, more and more I realize why these international chemical companies are making so much money. I don't care if they make money--that's great, especially for my retirement plan--but personally I'd rather live well into my retirement than have a decent return on investment now. Disposable diapers (dyed paper, absorbers, ink). Any mom who has diapered a butt in organic cotton will tell you that when you put a disposable on that same bum it will turn red. If you put chemical paper on your wet bum, that also isn't used to it, it'd have a rashy immune response too. Formula . . . it's processed food. It's no wonder kids raised on it have lower IQ and all sorts of other disadvantages. And that brings me to the main point: food.

First, let's look at what comes in contact with food. It's hard to get around some things. You can buy your organic ketchup in glass, sometimes. You can buy a lot of things in glass. It's pretty common knowledge these days that you should never eat food from a tin can unless you have to not only because there aren't really any nutrients left after the canning process but also because of the plastic that lines the tin and because of the preservatives required. But, what about milk? You really have 2 options: plastic, and paper that is lined with plastic. So, you can't make a lot of improvement there. But, when there is an option, choose glass or a stainless steel metal. If you make juice, make it in a glass pitcher. Drink well water or spring water if you can from a metal bottle or in a glass. Use pyrex for freezer and fridge and lunch storage containers. Get rid of those cheap teflon or any coated pans and go with stainless. The same goes for "non-stick" baking sheets and plastic "non-stick" utinsels. None of these things are very large investments, the healthy products actually last longer, and will decrease the contaminants in your food dramatically. And, please, do yourself and your kids a favor and don't microwave in plastic. If you can smell the plastic, like in the case of old tupperware, it is for sure time to toss it. And you should always purge the water from your hot and cold water lines, both copper and pex (plastic) or pvc (plastic) when you take it for consumption so you are getting clean water that has not been sitting in the lines for several hours or all night or whatever.

Back to the food itself. Do you have a fruit and vegetable brush? If you "think" it is too expensive to buy organic food and you are a friend of mine who is reading this blog, I will be honest and say you're 1) crazy or lazy and 2) at least wash the pesticides, herbicides, and growth chemicals off of the outside of the food with a brush. Different foods incorporate the chemicals applied to them for growth and protection from pests to varying degrees. To start, you can try to buy organic only the foods that are known to be highly contaminated such as apples or celery, but I think if you follow the news what you will find is that this doesn't work very well because contamination of certain whole food types varies from field to field and from year to year within a certain farm. The only way to truly know you are ingesting the least amount is to buy organic. And I'm not just talking fruits and veggies, I'm talking milk, eggs, butter, and meat too (because the fatty stuff tends to bioaccumulate a lot more scary things: PCBs, DDT, antibiotics, growth hormones, just to name very few).

If you can't visualize how these chemicals disrupt normal body function or just plain don't buy it, you can probably buy this. The fields that grow the non-organic food we buy in the store year after year can only grow that food with the help of fertilizer: N, P, K. These 3 minerals will give you a fruit or a veggie with "meat," that is to say shape, color, and texture, but it is highly nutrient deficient. The soil was deficient and therefore so is the food that comes from it. When you are not buying organic (not to mention buying processed food or fast food) you really are getting what you are paying for. You are getting fewer nutrients. You are getting a food with empty calories, and what it does is it make you feel more hungry than you should and you end up eating more and more nutrient-deficient food. This, in combination with cheap corn-based processed foods and snacks and fatty fast food is making us fat and making us sick.

It took us a few years, but we are finally on board. I guess I had to see a few family members pass away and take notice of many more who are in deteriorating health due to poor lifestyle choices or diet to realize that what all the experts are publishing is fact. Maybe not eloquently put, I am super short on time, but these are some of the basic ways to prevent chronic illness. I didn't link anything, because a quick google search will give you hoards of information on anything I mentioned. Ask me. The Environemntal Working Group (www.ewg.org) has a lot of good, easy to understand information for keeping your home, yourself, your kids healthy and also for making healthy purchases of food, cell-phones, cosmetics, body care-products, mattresses, anything. It is one of many good places to start.

Cold Temps and Warm Memories

Sitting by the fire, snug as a bug in a rug, just as my dad predicted we'd be today back in the days we insulated this house. This Halloween day where The Cat in the Hat, Little Cat A, Little Cat N and Sally went all around town at above zero temps is a distant memory.

Lasagna just out. Kitchen's a mess. Piles of laundry. Gotta bring more fire wood inside. One kid's napping so I figured why not write? I can barely keep up. It's been -30 to -40F outside the past couple of days. The dog hates it. He always refuses to "go potty" outside the first time we have these temps each year. Yesterday I didn't realize he'd pooped on the floor in the other room until my toddler told me to "clean it up." And I didn't realize he'd peed in yet another room until we were eating dinner and the baby crawled into it and fussed. This type of excitement is normal these days. It's usually not the dog, but one of the kids who's causing the excitement.

For us humans, who can bundle up, it's kind of a treat to have the cold temps because the sunrise (about 11am) and sunset (about 2pm) are to die for, and in between the sky is as blue as my eyes. I tried to photograph this without much luck.

We recently went on a trip to MN to see my parents. It's easier for me to remember milestones that occur in my kids' lives by the trips we take. This time, my son who has for about a year said "Dawah" in place of "Yes," said "Des" and now says "Yes" consistently. This is a kid who makes up many of his own words. In fact, he named himself "Nano," not very much like his name, and everyone's finally accepted it and joined him in calling him by that name. When we returned from our trip, he decided to do the ring trapeze at his toddler gymnastics place. For the first time, without being asked, he was not afraid at all. I find it fascinating how one day a kid will change his mind and decide finally to do something differently. The baby stopped army crawling and now crawls on his knees (maybe because grandma has carpet and that would be tough to pull a body on). He took up standing and now even cruising a tiny bit.

I can't remember without a picture, so I'm always photographing, printing, and putting in books the things we do. For sure the "firsts" are recorded. Here's the first time our 9 month old baby stood up. It was no problem at all. He saw the water and was so excited to get into the bathtub that he stood, beaming. He is such a doll.

When the baby turned 10 months is about the time that he and the 32 month old began to interact. It dawned on me that life is about to get much easier when we were feeding them both the same snack, Cheerios, on the airplane. A lot of time has passed since I started writing this post. We've eaten dinner, played trains, cleaned the kitchen. Right now they are watching Curious George together while the big brother pretends to feed the little brother peas with a spoon. They're both highly entertained. I can't wait to see what they imagine once the baby is walking.

Home Sweet Home

My cousin from Minnesota instant messaged me, "Are you home?" I replied, "Yes." She said, "Great, you can come over any time; I'll be at home every day running my daycare!" "Oh, no," I said. "I am in Alaska!" By "home," she meant where I grew up . . . which was where I was going to be but I wasn't there yet. I was still 3,000 miles away from her house packing my bags for the flight.

I refer to Alaska as "home." I have spent the last six straight years there plus the two summers before it. It is the place I know best as an adult. It's where I spent most of my twenties. I know where to buy supplies to repair the house, where all of the playgrounds are, the trails. I know where to look for jobs, to take a knitting class, to eat. It's where almost all of my friends live. And it's the place with which I identify best. That said, I think my husband, who was born and raised there, is my glue to the place. Take him away from me, and the "home" would be gone.

It isn't until I arrive at my parents' home in Minnesota, where I spent the first 18 years of my life, and where I have spent almost all of my breaks and vacations since, that I really feel "at home." Granted, it is probably partly because my parents are still there and in the same roles they were all of my life. My dad never sits still. I don't think he will ever realize how much physical labor he's done outside and inside the homestead here in his lifetime. To care for 575 acres is all he knows. My mom does her part too. She cleans and organizes excessively and does almost all of the cooking and other in-house chores too. She of course does work outside too but inevitably a lot of outdoor work (eg. snow moving, haying, gardening, mowing, building) is done with machinery and tools and those go along with the garage and is primarily executed by my dad. My mom is creative too, and smart. They are both full of good ideas, and I can't wait to see their creativity come back to life in full-swing when they retire and have more time. When we visit them, my husband helps my dad, and I find myself more and more tending to indoor chores and children with my mom.

Back to the point. I must have been raised in amazingly comfortable home. When I hear, at my parents' house, the clock ticking in the living room or the forced air heat kick on, I feel at ease. If my husband or my kid asks for scissors or some string, a hat, whatever, 99% of the time I not only know where it may be in my parents' house but also what color it will be when I go to get it. Even the simple items are ingrained in my mind. I don't even know my own home in Alaska as well and we have 99% fewer items accumulated in it. The child's mind is incredibly impressionable.

It is for me (and probably to my parents as well) satisfying to go back in time. My toddler sleeps in the twin bed I slept in almost all of my life . . . in my red room with the two windows, the flannel snowman sheets and the stuffed and framed snowman picture hanging above the bed, the solid wood floors that my dad refinished when I was a toddler, the same night lights, same dressers. I read to him, before bed, the same books that my parents read to me and I memorized as a child. He plays with my old toys. He rides the tricycle that I rode at his age. It fills my heart with joy.

It brings to me hope when I see my husband take an interest and when I help too at my parents' place. He took the lead role in canning their venison this year, something my parents hadn't done for 25+ years even though they have all of the supplies to do it. He will help my dad to process the rest of it tonight. He boiled a turkey. My mom showed me how to make applesauce out of the apples from their trees for my kids. We got 10 inches of snow and my husband plowed and snow-blowed. We are eating tons of hard-boiled eggs from the free-range chickens. I showed my son how to make a snow-man, something we can't do in Alaska because the snow doesn't stick. My husband is learning about the tractors. He mulched the blueberry plants, which produce organic food customers and for a local CSA farmer to distribute. He's out deer hunting with my dad, a past-time I never shared with him, but that provides organic meat for us every year.

It doesn't seem like much, but it is. It's living off of the land. Eating healthy. Working hard. And taking good care of the things you worked hard to get. It's being thankful for simple things. I think I inherited the values. I think my kids will too.

I'd like to see us and our kids continue keeping the farm up after my parents can't any more. Although I can't say for sure that we would be a success, I think we have the right ambitions. My husband likes to work with machinery, to hunt, and to prepare food. He does thorough, quality work with integrity. I like to be outdoors, to do for hours the same task, to eat food that is grown without chemicals, to breathe clean air, to fall asleep to the sounds of the wilderness, and to live as stress-free as possible.

I am so thankful to be able to fly home to this.

Be thankful for what you have.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Day 2 of The Shift

Yesterday, Day 1 of "the shift" was telling. I am in a daze. I ache all over. I couldn't sleep until 3am. I think it was a minor flu, too. We missed play date this morning because I just could not get our act together; instead, the baby is napping and the toddler is watching PBS. Being responsible for everything for 14 hours is much different than doing it for 9 or 11. When I say "everything" I do have to admit that it could be MUCH worse. My job as a stay-at-home mom does not leave me responsible for money, which is probably the largest responsibility and stress of all when it comes to living in today's world. Still, being a stay at home single parent for long hours is exhausting, especially when there is a house to keep up, various other business to attend, school, and most importantly 2 kids who cannot eat the same foods, nap at the same time, play together, or sleep through the night . . . not even close. I realize that if I microwaved our food and had the T.V. on all of the time, life would probably be easier; it's just not my style although I'm not too proud to resort to it from time to time.

It is ironic that my husband started the 12 (in his case much longer) hour shift yesterday, because just a year ago I wrote in this diary that I would not be married to a shift worker. It's funny how perspective changes when new opportunities and potential for growth are up for grabs. I could not be more proud and supportive of what he is doing right now. To gain experience supervising 9 guys who are older than he is, the shift will likely be temporary as this is his 4th major role with the company already in less than 10 years. Still, I can feel the stress not only of being responsible for our home and kids but from him too. It's been about 2 months now that he's been working extremely hard. He came home happy at 7:30 last night, but I absorbed the stress rolling off of him. I'm sure that the last thing he wants to do when he comes home is take care of us after taking care of people all day. He wants to eat dinner, to shower, and to relax. Me too.

I found myself last night having desires I've never had before. I wanted to go outside, to exercise, to read, or to watch a funny or enlightening movie or TV show--past times one of my good friends has but that I've never shared with her. Her husband works the shift too. It may be the cause. Well, not that I've never had these interests before (you know I love the outdoors and a good movie), but I mean at 9 or 10pm at night a burning desire to escape. When I couldn't do these things because the kids wouldn't go to bed when asked, I was crushed and frustrated. Upon inspection, I realize that all of my desired escapes are alike. They are all known to help relax and to relieve stress. I must have been much more stressed yesterday than I had been in a long time. Good thing I recently acquired my energy back from the birth 9 months ago. I couldn't imagine doing this while being pregnant. I felt more weak last year at this time than ever before in my life. It is tough to feel generally ill of the time, to have a compromised immune system so that you're sick all of the time, be responsible for growing a life, and to want to sleep but be unable because you're in charge of a little kid. I'm glad that is over.

Anyway, last night I picked up a book and read until midnight. The last time I did this with something other than a textbook (and I only read textbooks in the morning) was probably a year ago when a book on contaminants in the home came out. I actually gave my textbook a try and because I was reading about "Energy and the Environment" by Ristenen it fueled my tension. I tried to documentary, but it was about biodiesel fuel . . . enfuriating. I looked at the bookshelf. I knew Elizabeth Gilbert would be good for a light and easy read. My mother-in-law left me her book "Committed," because I said I enjoyed her "Eat. Pray. Love." Since then, my mother and one of my friends has borrowed and read it, so the book is definitely been well-used and loved and last night it was loved by me. It was nice to read something by the fire without any interruptions. On Friday, if I'm over this little bug, we'll drop the kids off at the daycare of the Alaska Club and work off some more stress.

My kid is at my side whining pathetically. It's at times like these when I see the value of the close-knit extended family that the childless Elizabeth Gilbert disses.

I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting winter in my book.

YES! M-AEST

Transfer Courses									Institution Equivalent
	Term	Subject	Crs No	Course Title	Credits	Grp	Grd	D	A	Subj	Crse	Course Title	Credits	Grd
	201002	BIOL	F694	Environmental Microbiology	3.00		A		O	BIOL	A6	Departmental Elective	3.00	A T
	201002	ENVE	F644	Environmental Mgmt & Law	3.00		A		O	AEST	A6	Departmental Elective	3.00	A T
	201002	ENVE	F646	Unit Processes - Biological	3.00		A-		O	AEST	A6	Departmental Elective	3.00	A T
	201002	ENVE	F649	Hazardous & Toxic Waste Mgmt	3.00		A+		O	AEST	A6	Departmental Elective	3.00	A T
	201002	ENVE	F652	Intro Toxicology for Engr & Sc	3.00		A		O	AEST	A6	Departmental Elective	3.00	A T
	201002	ESM	F605	Engineering Economic Analysis	3.00		A		O	ES	A6	Departmental Elective	3.00	A T
	201002	STAT	F402	Scientific Sampling	3.00		A		O	STAT	A402	Scientific Sampling	3.00	A T
	Total Credits Accepted:				21.00
What is all that junk? Well, it is the final word that one of my largest hobbies for the past 3 years is going to amount to a master's degree in Applied Environmental Science & Technology. Yes, all of the courses that I took in Fairbanks are now transferred to Anchorage and my Graduate Study Plan is signed and posted. It took about a year and a half to get this done, because no one has tried to do what I'm doing before. Regardless, all I have to do is finish the last 9 credits. The problem is . . . I already know what I want to do my second master's degree in . . . but still have no clue what to do for a job. Oh well, life is short and I love to learn. Maybe if I go for a master's in Natural Resource Management I'll discover what I want to be when I grow up (besides a mother, wife, student, outdoorswoman, and wanna-be photographer).

Capture Life. NOW!

After hearing about two of my relatives pass away in the past two months, I have to say that life is unpredictable. R.I.P. aunt Dory; 49 is much too young for an unexpected heart attack. And R.I.P, uncle Ron; who knew a case of pneumonia could bring you literally from one world to another? It just goes to show that you don't know what is going to happen from one week to the next.

When we fly our little family of four down to MN to celebrate my dad's 60th Birthday next month, we're having our 3 present generations photographed at my parents' 575 acre 5 generation farm by Katie Jeanne Photography. She has kindly offered to travel 90 miles (one-way) out into the boondocks to capture some memories for us. I figure if we're going to capture some memories at the farm, what better time to do it than right now. No one in my immediate or extended family has to my knowledge ever been custom photographed. Don't get me wrong; my mom's side of the family takes a lot of photos. In fact, my grandmother left us an entire walk in closet full of them. But, the problem with this is that the people who take the photos never get to be in them.

Until then, I've been working on some projects of my own. Let's be honest, we don't always have the money or want to allocate the money to hire a professional custom photographer. And, after 6 years in Alaska and 3 years in my new home, I've come to terms with the fact that we're staying, so I might as well decorate those pretty walls . . . or at least send out some Fall Equinox or Winter Solstice greeting cards:

Something is better than nothing. Even if you don't have a camera at all, you can always go to Sear's Portrait Studio. They continually have Free Offers with little fine print. Online there are coupons for a free session and a free print (or more) at absolutely no cost. You can go back as many times as you want for free as long as you bring a coupon each time. You may not be able to get your whole family in the scene for free, but you can do individual shots if nothing else. All you have to do is print the coupon, make the appointment, show up, and order your free print. It's true, the resolution is not great, and the paper quality is very poor, but you have to keep in mind that it's free. Even if the product is not nice enough for your wall, start an album or even just a 3-ringed binder and save them. It's nice to have large prints to look back on. Here're two, our baby learning to lie on his belly and toddler eating a cookie so that he'll stay in the photography room long enough to be photographed, I liked enough to hang in the kids' play room: $30 ($15/10x13 frame)

Capture memories yourself and print. We get together with my parents who live a day away by airplane several times a year, and I always love the photos that they take of our family because they are completely candid. Events like my son unscrewing his play table, climbing out of the dog kennel, or peeing off of the front step are memories that should be taken and printed if nowhere else at a place like Shutterfly, where a 4x6 print is only 9-10c. There's nothing worse than not taking any photos than taking them and letting them sit on a hard-drive unseen. Stick them in a photo album. If you have the memory space, keep your camera at the highest pixel setting because you never know when you will fall in love with one of the photos that you take and want to blow it up really large. After filling 6 albums (almost 1500 photos--really), I had these images blown up and mounted on metal, so that they will be durable enough to live by our woodstove for years to come: $100 ($50/16x16 metal print)

Buy a nice frame. It doesn't matter if I'm buying a carseat or a picture frame; I ask myself the same two questions. Is it easy to install? And is it easy to clean? You will notice that you have to pay just a few dollars more for frames that are easy to dust (1 piece of glass and few ledges, nooks and crannies) and that have mounting hardware. Yes, it's hard to believe but if you're not getting a custom frame you should always look on the back because it doesn't always have the basics! And trust me, it's worth the extra because frames are reusable and will last pretty much forever. Most photos I take would not look any good blown up. Either the baby's drooling or the toddler has a snotty nose. There's a blade of grass in front of someone's face or the light isn't quite right. But, you know, in a nice collage frame, they look okay together, and as the boys grow older, more collages will be made. In fact, this is already the second one I've done in the past 6 months. It costs essentially nothing to update your frame so your guests have something new to look at from time to time, in our case, when they first walk into our home: $30.80 ($30 frame, $0.80/8 prints)

Leave room to grow. An absolutely amazing natural light family photographer, MachC Photography, recently gave me some great advice. 1) Before you order prints, canvas, standouts, buy frames, or whatever, cut out a piece of paper the size that you think you want and tape it to the wall where you want it. You may be surprised that you have been thinking too big or too small. You want to make a statement and you want the faces to be big enough that they can be seen. That said though . . . 2) Leave room to grow. And this can mean 2 things if not more. Don't necessarily print as big as your pixels allow or as big as your wall can handle right off the bat. You may want to add more images later or you may in the future want to print a different image even larger. For example, we have a giant wall in our master bedroom and I plan to fill it with prints on black standouts (a cheap alternative to canvas--neither require frames) for years to come . . . below, to the right, to the left, and beyond . . . memories of every age, every season, everyone: $40/16x20 standout

You get what you pay for. Just like most things in life you truly get what you pay for. A professional photo lab like Black River Imaging or a semi-pro lab like Mpix (easier uploading software than BRI) is going to give you a much better result if you're printing your own images than any of the well-known consumer labs. They have the right paper, the right printers, and the right mounting products to make your image look great and last longer than you. But, they're not miracle workers. You need a properly developed high resolution image to start with. If you don't have the time or don't want the stress, leave it to the professional custom photographers. You pay them to capture timeless high resolution images in perfect lighting and make them into products that you will treasure, well, forever.

Photos are for people who want to be reminded of specific moments in time, who are not afraid to see or share who they really are, or appreciate creativity and art. Nothing's stopping you. Capture this moment before it's gone.

Update: Summer Part 2

1) Travel. In August, baby N traveled with me to MN for his first time. The trip was quite busy, but some of the main events included a mother/daughter kayak trip; visiting with my uncle and aunt who were up visiting from VA; celebrating my cousin's wedding, bachelorette party, and her son's baptism; attending my 10yr high school reunion; and having a memorial service for my dad's younger sister who sadly passed away from a heart attack at age 49. N and I met the other 4 baby cousins, who are essentially the same age.

To digress, since I moved to AK permanently after having spent 2 summers up here, I've flown back to MN 10 times: Jan 05, Jul 05, Sept 05, Dec 05, Aug 06, Dec 06, (in 07, we built a house), Jul 08, Jun 09, Dec 09, and Aug 10. My parents from MN have come up here to AK to visit 10 times also: Jun 05, Jun 06, Nov 06, Apr 07, Oct 07, Dec 07, Mar - Apr 08 (separately for the birth of baby A), Dec 08, Mar - Apr 10 (separately for birth of baby N), June 10. We didn't try to make it even; it just turned out that way! Anyway, as a result my husband, our children, and I are very close to my parents, which is extremely important to us. Along the way, we've also helped each other out a lot. My dad helped us out tremendously when we built our house, and both my mom and dad provided a lot of help with both the kids and other projects when they've come to visit. On the flip side, my husband (he's only been down to MN 3 times though) is able to help out on their farm, haying and splitting wood, when he goes. We're going in November for my dad's 60th birthday, and the whole family is able to go, so my husband will get to help out on the farm once again.

2) Chores. It never ends around here. I keep journals for each of my kids so that they may read about the ups and downs, their talents and achievements of childhood when they're older. I realized yesterday 5 months have passed since I last wrote to them in their journals and my oh my have they grown up since that last journal entry. I blame this lapse in time on the chores that make the days fly by so quickly. My husband has finished preparing for winter. This includes gathering all of the summer outdoor tools and toys together and storing them, bringing the boats in for safe storage, and preparing many cord of wood for us for the winter, which is by far the heftiest task of all. (It is nice to burn renewable energy though not to mention that it saves us a lot of money in fuel oil). I do the majority of the cooking and cleaning and laundry, but my husband still plays a major role. He likes to help with the cleaning and he is quite a fantastic cook. I earned my keep as a gatherer this summer and picked tons of rasperries and blueberries, some of which I preserved as jam and syrup and some of which we will eat in yogurt over the winter. But, most of the time is consumed in daily tasks such as preparing meals, cleaning up after, keeping us clean and dressed. It is amazing how much more time this takes when you have two children rather than one. The 3rd "child," the dog barely ever gets his nails clipped anymore or gets a bath or a brush; to compensate, he does get extra food, so I don't think he minds much that he is at the bottom of the chain of chores. Sometimes people ask, "Would you like some fish or a houseplant?" The answer is "No, it will probably get lost in the mix and die so why bother trying."

3) Work and school and daycare. My husband has been working 10-12 hours a day and for the first time ever last weekend brought his work home with him (something he has always tried not to do). This is mainly because in a few weeks he will take a new job as a Reliability Supervisor. So, now, he is finishing up his old job which is neither reliability nor production. He is a Technical Trainer and is giving a 3 week long training session to a few of the reliability operators among other things. I will graduate with a Master's in Environmental Science this spring. So, I am taking a course on Energy this fall and will have a Risk Assessment and an Environmental Chemistry course next semester. So that I can find the time and energy to study somewhat uninterrupted, we budget for our oldest child to go to daycare two mornings a week. He looks forward to it because he has several great friends there, one of which he potty trained, and of course there are a ton of toys there. I like it because he learns good manners there and also does preschool activities.

I have been working on several other projects, which have consumed a lot of time. They have been frustrating for me, so I will bring them up when I see results at a later date.

Adios, summer! It may have been the best and the fastest so far. They always say that time flies when you're having fun.