Whoa, Baby

So, my initial fear was that our baby would be born out of state or even out of country prior to 32 weeks, but now my fear is that our baby will be born prior to 34 or even 36 weeks. I read, 98% of 32 week old babies survive and 99% of 34 week old babies survive. However, 36 weeks is the better cutoff as really my babies run about 1/2 week big and 37 weeks is considered full-term.

As I suspected, but who can know these things but a doctor, the baby is very low. As a matter of fact, I am certain that for the last 5 weeks minimum (since week 27) the head has been down. There were brief moments in the last 5 weeks that I felt pressure on my ribs and shortness of breath, but during this pregnancy there was not any distinction between before and after the baby dropped or engaged its head in my pelvis. It just happened as quickly as the head went down I guess. While I'm not missing the feeling of a huge belly, the shortness of breath, and the constant rib jabs that come with holding the baby high, having the baby's head constantly pushing its way through my pelvis is not fun either.

I want this baby to stay in as long as possible, so I'm playing the gravity game. I am lying down as much as I possibly can. And let me tell you, it does feel a lot better to do this. Still, I can't help but believe this will only help so much and the baby is just going to come out if he feels like coming out.

So, hang in there, baby. Two more weeks wouldn't kill you. I know we're all like expert travelers at this point, but Anchorage Neonatal Intensive Care Unit wasn't on my list of places to visit. So, just hang in there. Dr. Hess will soon be back from vacation, and the longer you stick around, the more likely it is he'll let you stay home in Fairbanks with us. Besides, you are too young to be riding in helicopters.

Feeling Big and Bah Humbug

So, I'm 31 weeks pregnant today, only 1 week away from my goal of 32! That's a funny goal, isn't it? Well, I'm so small in structure that I feel like it's hard for me to hold the babies of a 6 foot, 200+ pound daddy for a full 37 weeks. With my last pregnancy, I made it to 36.5 weeks before my water burst so quickly that my stomach shrunk to half the size in an hour. Why 32? Well, after 32 weeks it's likely the baby won't have to take a vacation in a special neonatal hospital . . . far from home: Anchorage or Seattle, an hour or four hour plane ride away. Also, I'll be back at home in Fairbanks before week 32, so I will not be stuck in MN far from daddy or in Canada w/o insurance and a dual citizen preemie w/o a passport and unable to fly home!

Anyway, I am REALLY feeling pregnant these days. I can tell the baby is gaining its 1/2 pound a week now and is growing longer. This baby feels just like the last one did at this time (head down and very low): hiccups several times a day that originate in my pelvis, no rolling or turning, just stretching of the legs/butt/back up in my rib cage. My legs feel like they are 100 pounds each. I have pelvic pain and pressure even when I am lying down. And it is very difficult to walk and catch my breath even when traveling only short distances. My clothes don't fit.

One of my friends was so surprised that we aren't doing Christmas gifts this year. It's not that we're anti-Christmas. Actually, it's normally my favorite holiday: I think more because of the family time it involves than because of the gifts. We've spent so much time with our immediate family lately, there has been so much going on with us traveling for pleasure and work, with my husband teaching, my class, and with the baby coming soon. I guess people just can't relate. I heard that someone wanted to set up our tree for us at our house so it would be there when we get back. All I could think is if you put it up, you better take that thing down! I don't want to see or deal with that thing--however gorgeous it is! I have things to see and do and none of them involve Christmas trees!

This is the first time I've been alone in over a month--since November 18th, when my son last went to his babysitter. My husband and son are playing in a locomotive and my parents are riding bikes around the city. First on my list: hot shower. Second: start my new book.

Bad Pregnancy Night

Tonight is one of what I like to call a "bad pregnancy night." This simply means that for most of the day or evening and now into the night I just don't feel quite right. At some point, I will become tired enough to sleep, but for now the sour stomach, or heartburn, or hormones, or lack of space in my mid section, or whatever you want to call it are taking over and upsetting me. And whenever I don't feel well physically, I don't feel well mentally. I worry. This is a gift I inherited from my mother: worry.

I've been worried for the last few months, since we booked this trip, that I would go into pre-term labor in Canada. Well, I made it through 3 weeks in Minnesota, 4 plane rides, now I have 7 more days in Canada and 2 more plane rides and I'll be home in Fairbanks. I wonder if I'm really only worried that Canada will soon be gone and then I will have nothing to worry about but the baby being born. What will I ever do with 2 children (even though most of the time I'm sure this is what I want)?

I love Canada so far and our condo is accommodating and immaculate and in a lot of ways nicer than our home. Yet, it is tough to be in a new place. I just have to find a way to calm myself no matter where I am. And keep telling myself: there's no sense worrying about things that you cannot control . . . and that everything will be just fine.

20 Days in MN

Usually, when I travel anywhere I am ready to go home after a week or two. However, home is dark and cold at this time of year and there isn't a lot to do there. I'm not sure if that's the reason, but I didn't feel like leaving MN at all during these 20 days. And the last time I've stayed here at my parents' house this long was 5 years ago and before that almost 10 years ago, when this was my home . . . even though we do spend almost a month here a year, it is usually spread over 2 visits.

Anyway, it's been enjoyable. I didn't feel like the visit was rushed or that I was being pulled between spending time with my parents and other friends and relatives. We were able to spend a good amount of time with everyone who made an effort to see us. The few people we didn't see, we spent time with just this last summer when we visited.

There were a few things that made this time in Minnesota different than the others:

This seems strange, being surrounded by 575 acres of mostly trees, but this is the first year in what seems like 20 that we cut down a real Christmas tree (I think only because it was threatened by a beaver dam). It was a balsam, but it was cute and served the purpose.

I was able to see my college roommates for the first time in 3 years. It's been almost 6 years now since we graduated from college. It was the first time I was able to meet Caroline's sister (after hearing about her for almost 10 years), who is due in January, the first time I saw Alicia's boys, and she is due in March, and the last time I will visit Caroline in Minnesota because after 10 years there she is selling her house and Wells Fargo is moving her New York City. I cannot wait until my husband and I are able to drop our boys in MN with Grandpa and Grandma and visit her there!

My cousin Jennie, who is the closest thing I have to a sister, and I are in the 3rd trimester and both due in the middle of February.

My cousin Christina had baby girl Katelyn in August. When she had Hailey, four years ago, I wasn't able to see Hailey until she was about 1 year old.

Gracious Grandpa Greg played Santa this year for the 57 guests at our family Christmas party. After about 10 minutes, my son recognized Santa as Papa, which was actually a good thing. Otherwise, he wouldn't have gone up to get his gift.

Jewelery was a big theme this vacation. It started one Sunday as my aunts, cousins, mom, and I went through my Grandmother's, who passed away almost 12 years ago now, old jewelery. It continued at the family Christmas party where an entire room was dedicated to showcasing the leftover jewelery so that the rest of the family could take what they wanted in remembrance of her. Well, as exemplified above, the boys both young and old had a fun time dressing up (mostly with clip-on earrings) during the party: my cousin Tony, his son Maverick, and my uncle Richard.

It seemed like on this trip, my son found necklaces wherever we went:

Playing at Auntie Laurie's House with cousin Jennie's old toys

Showing off Grandma Koecher's old costume jewelery at the Koecher Christmas

Playing at Grandma and Papa's with mom

Playing at cousin Hailey's house with a bug vaccum

Now, we're off to Vancouver to spend Christmas . . .

Favorites at Grandma and Papa's

Pulling items out of the office desk drawers. I remember finding tons of treasures in there as a kid too. Grandpa and grandma both work for companies that constantly hand out crazy pens and gadgets, like funky looking tape-measures, flashlights, calculators, etc

Filling the electric woodstove with crumpled newspaper . . . and then anything else my son can find that will fit. It can produce heat out of the bottom if turned on, but the door on the front only leads to fake wood so he can fill it just like we adults do with our real woodstoves

Reaching into the cupboards (the rubberbands don't stop him anymore) and even the top drawers in the kitchen and pulling out whatever he finds: spatula's, needle-nose pliars, tupperware, antiques, etc, and then either throwing them back in or stashing them with his toys, depending upon how interesting the object looks

Going outside to visit the horses, which he "moo's" at like they're cows, even though he knows the sounds for horses

Watching television (ie Sesame Street or Thomas the Train) while sitting on his rocking chair and telling us when the DVD needs to be skipped to the next segment

Refusing to eat everything but grandma's home-made organic applesauce from trees on the farm

Waking up at 4 or 5am and asking for "bopa," which is grandpa

The Vacation Has Begun

Me, my son, and my other son in my belly (3rd trimester now) took the long trip to

MN to spend 3 weeks with my parents (his grandparents). Here's my son in action:

Being a good boy, buckled up on the 5 hour leg of the flight,

killing some time with the new DVD player dad bought him

Making his "I'm a ham; laugh at me" face while eating craisens

Sitting in my old rocker, showing Grandma how Neil Patrick Harris

points to him while he sings about Shoes on Sesame Street

Showing off for Grandpa, sporting mom's new shoes

in front of Grandpa's home-made (aweseome) hearth gate