It is ironic that my husband started the 12 (in his case much longer) hour shift yesterday, because just a year ago I wrote in this diary that I would not be married to a shift worker. It's funny how perspective changes when new opportunities and potential for growth are up for grabs. I could not be more proud and supportive of what he is doing right now. To gain experience supervising 9 guys who are older than he is, the shift will likely be temporary as this is his 4th major role with the company already in less than 10 years. Still, I can feel the stress not only of being responsible for our home and kids but from him too. It's been about 2 months now that he's been working extremely hard. He came home happy at 7:30 last night, but I absorbed the stress rolling off of him. I'm sure that the last thing he wants to do when he comes home is take care of us after taking care of people all day. He wants to eat dinner, to shower, and to relax. Me too.
I found myself last night having desires I've never had before. I wanted to go outside, to exercise, to read, or to watch a funny or enlightening movie or TV show--past times one of my good friends has but that I've never shared with her. Her husband works the shift too. It may be the cause. Well, not that I've never had these interests before (you know I love the outdoors and a good movie), but I mean at 9 or 10pm at night a burning desire to escape. When I couldn't do these things because the kids wouldn't go to bed when asked, I was crushed and frustrated. Upon inspection, I realize that all of my desired escapes are alike. They are all known to help relax and to relieve stress. I must have been much more stressed yesterday than I had been in a long time. Good thing I recently acquired my energy back from the birth 9 months ago. I couldn't imagine doing this while being pregnant. I felt more weak last year at this time than ever before in my life. It is tough to feel generally ill of the time, to have a compromised immune system so that you're sick all of the time, be responsible for growing a life, and to want to sleep but be unable because you're in charge of a little kid. I'm glad that is over.
Anyway, last night I picked up a book and read until midnight. The last time I did this with something other than a textbook (and I only read textbooks in the morning) was probably a year ago when a book on contaminants in the home came out. I actually gave my textbook a try and because I was reading about "Energy and the Environment" by Ristenen it fueled my tension. I tried to documentary, but it was about biodiesel fuel . . . enfuriating. I looked at the bookshelf. I knew Elizabeth Gilbert would be good for a light and easy read. My mother-in-law left me her book "Committed," because I said I enjoyed her "Eat. Pray. Love." Since then, my mother and one of my friends has borrowed and read it, so the book is definitely been well-used and loved and last night it was loved by me. It was nice to read something by the fire without any interruptions. On Friday, if I'm over this little bug, we'll drop the kids off at the daycare of the Alaska Club and work off some more stress.
My kid is at my side whining pathetically. It's at times like these when I see the value of the close-knit extended family that the childless Elizabeth Gilbert disses.
I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting winter in my book.
